Apocalypse yesterday

When the heavens opened yesterday afternoon, we were cocooned in our car in Farmleigh car park, eating ice cream and giggling at The Snapper. We barely noticed the torrential rain, and so it was quite a surprise when we left Barrytown and found that half of Dublin was under water. Well, half of Dublin 7, at any rate. It took us an hour and a half to hydroplane home, with a few very scary splashes through floods en route. We were fit for nothing after that but a couple of massive hunks of beef and several glasses of red wine.

We’d an early start this morning, anyway, out northwards for a birthday party. The fella’s neck had seized up overnight, so I had to take the wheel. That was all fine and dandy (and I was even managing coherent conversation while driving) until we got to Santry village, where a massive “Road Closed, Divert Onto M1″ sign appeared in front of us. Cue the following exchange:

Me: “Shit!”
Him: “Turn right for the motorway”
Me: “But I’m not supposed to drive on the motorway!”
Him: “Well, there’s no other way”
Me: “OK, well I’ll go on it as far as the airport”
Me: “Should I take my L-plates down?”
Me: “Well, I’ll be fined if I’m caught, so I’ll leave them up”
Him: “OK, well turn left up ahead”
Me: “Oh shit, I’ve stalled”

But I carried on, and down the slip road on to the M1, and was building up speed nicely when a maroon car appeared beside me in the fast lane. And blue lights started flashing inside the car. And I got waved in to the hard shoulder. Cue the following exchange:

Snitty Female Garda: “Can I see your licence please?”
Me (producing my 12-year learner’s permit): “Here you go… I know I’m not supposed to drive on the motorway but it’s the only route I could take, there are roads closed everywhere”
SFG: “Well I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, take the next exit”

She then stopped addressing me completely and told the fella to get me moving and off the motorway – and then sat in her car with her colleague while I fumbled for the ignition with shaky hands and revved the bejesus out of our poor little car. And on I drove to the next exit, which didn’t take us anywhere near where we wanted to go, but we got there eventually.

I’m delighted to know that, on a weekend where half the city was in bits, our police force prioritises random unnecessary acts of individual law enforcement over public information. I just hope I’ve passed my driving test by the time the next rainstorm hits.